Reunion

It’s been a year of reunions in my tiny corner of the universe. Two weeks ago, four of us former employees of XYZ Funeral Chapel gathered at my kitchen table for our third annual reunion. In August, I met with a friend from my past, whom I hadn’t communicated with in over three years. Also in August was my first reunion (or would that make it a “union” for me?…) with the Handy-Man’s extended family. Back in April, I attended my former church for the first time in over two years. And there is a plan in the works for a reunion of The Church Girls for the first time in we-don’t-know-how-many-years  — finally, the four of us will be in the Okanagan at the same time, in December this year.

Reunion is the act of re-uniting, the joining up of people and things that have been together in the past. It can be a weighted thing, this bringing together of things from the past. We don’t know how it will go — how similar or how different it will be from “what used to be,” who will bring what to the table, how we’ll feel before and during and after, and what will happen next.

Some reunions are relatively easy, predictable, light. For me, the XYZ Funeral Chapel reunion went, generally, as I expected. The hurts and confusion of the past have been mended. We’ve kept in touch to some small degree on Facebook, and some of the women see each other in real life every once in a while.  The Handy-Man’s family get-together also went, generally, as I expected, with much food, wine, laughter, story-telling, and the occasional 14A-rated joke that never would’ve been uttered at my family’s get-togethers.

And some reunions cause a few more jitters or angst. They can trigger parts of our minds and hearts that are delicate, and they can leave us shaking our heads at how much everything has changed. When it’s over –whether good or not-so-good — we wonder, “What happens now?”

Those who know me know that the church chapter of my life often weighs on me. I’ve had to leave other things behind, and it was hard but not that hard. There have been dreams and goals, a boyfriend or two, towns, and all such things. If those things somehow resurface in my life, I usually don’t give them much thought before going on with my day. But this past year, as April 2 got closer and closer, I wondered what it would be like to finally go to my former church again. It was my aunt and my uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary, and I wanted to be at church for the presentation of their special plaque. As I attended the service and the lunch in the church basement afterwards, I was a bit nervous and nostalgic; but as I was heading home when it was all over, I mainly felt indifferent, maybe even a tiny bit disappointed. I had moved on. I felt like my new life, post-Christianity, is “more” — more open, more interesting, more full of wonder, more well-rounded. I don’t think I’ll be going there again anytime soon.

I never expected this summer to be the time when I’d meet up with my old friend again. But, somehow, one thing led to another, and there we sat at Ricky’s one warm Saturday evening, her beautiful smile and her giggling little baby across the table from me. We talked and it was great — so much has happened in both of our lives, and we are both in happier places than we’d been in at the time of our falling-out. It felt like the three years of silence and anger just didn’t matter anymore. And yet, and yet…so much has changed… Part of me wants to rush right back into phone calls and visits…and another part is holding back, recognizing that our trails in life have led us in such vastly different directions. I don’t know what happens now. I’ve expressed that I’d like to meet again, but I’m also not pouncing on the phone to arrange something. At this time, I have more peace of mind about our relationship than I have had in three years, and maybe that’s all that’s needed for now.

I hesitate when I think of The Church Girls reunion in December. So far, it’s just been casually mentioned here and there via Facebook and Skype. Three of them have left the country and have been away for at least three years; one has left Christianity. I waver between feeling curious and excited about the idea of a reunion…and then wondering if there’s any good, solid reason to meet up again. After over-thinking the whole matter to a somewhat ridiculous degree, I still find myself undecided about the reunion. I think it is good to re-connect, remember, catch up…but sometimes it’s okay to “leave well enough alone” and go about the many other activities of our lives. It’s nice to make an effort with other people, but it’s also important to remember the popular quote by Tony Robbins: “Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.” It’s a wonderful thing to forgive and forget the mistakes of the past, but it’s also important to break free from unhealthy patterns that we slip into so easily. This all said, perhaps my role in this should be to sit back and wait for the others to come up with a plan.

Navigating our relationships isn’t always as straightforward as we’d like, and it’s not always easy to figure out the next steps when something shakes up those relationships. The Biblical book of Ecclesiastes expresses much more beautifully than I ever could some insights:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…
a time to plant and a time to uproot…
a time to tear down and a time to build…
a time to weep and a time to laugh…
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them…
a time to search and a time to give up…
a time to keep and a time to throw away…
a time to be silent and a time to speak…”

May we have the wisdom and courage to realize when to scatter those stones and when to gather them…when to click “Yes” and when to click “Can’t Go” to that invitation on Facebook…when to allow for time and space apart, and when to scroll through that address book and try again.

by Tania K.